Just Waiting

Frankly, all of this waiting is driving me nuts. I can't, and I mean
can't stand it. I wish everything could just be all figured out so I
can get started on the next step whatever it might be. Thus far, I
have only been accepted at SUNY Buffalo, and I have got rejected at
Maryland and Michigan State. I am waiting on Indiana and NYU. I also
do not know if I have funding or not.
Most people will tell me that PHD studies are funded. Basically,
people say if you do not get funding for a PHD then you shouldn't go.
The trouble is that I do want to get a PhD, but I do think I should
not have to pay for it because it isn't like in the future I will be
getting paid handsomely for what I do. No matter what planet you are
on, education does not really pay big bucks.
So now I am just left with so many uncertainties that it is making me
relatively crazy. So to avoid thinking of it, I am killing time by
watching TV shows on Tudou (got all caught up on Grey's Anatomy,
Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives) and by playing the stupid game on
my mobile phone.
I find it hard to be motivated to do much of anything big as I feel
the dark cloud of the unknown lingering over my shoulder. I do not do
well with the unknown. Also, I do not believe much can be accomplished
by making all kinds of plans and worrying about it. Now I am just
stuck in that Waiting Place. Stuck Stuck Stuck Stuck Stuck Stuck!